Couples Therapy Is For Everyone
Couples Therapy, Not Just for Crises
There’s a common misconception that couples therapy is for couples who are in deep trouble. There’s sometimes stigma attached to it, and it’s seen as a last resort, something you turn to only once a relationship is in serious trouble. In reality, some of the most effective work happens when couples come in early, before resentment has had time to calcify.
If any of the patterns below sound familiar, it may be worth having a conversation about finding some support.
Patterns Worth Paying Attention To
The same argument keeps resurfacing, no matter how many times you think you’ve resolved it
Conversations escalate and turn into arguments quickly, or one or both of you shuts down and withdraws
You are more like roommates or co-parents than partners
A breach of trust, such as an affair or a broken promise, has left things unsteady
You are facing a major life transition together: a move, a new baby, a blended family, retirement
You find yourselves keeping score instead of feeling like a team
What Couples Therapy Actually Involves
Using approaches such as the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy, couples work focuses on identifying the cycle you tend to fall into, understanding the emotional need that exists underneath the conflict, and rebuilding the friendship and trust that can get buried under day-to-day stress.
Couples therapy isn’t about assigning blame. It’s about learning to see the patterns you’re caught in so you can respond to each other differently.
The Importance of Timing
Research tells us that couples often wait until several years after problems begin before looking for help. The earlier you start the more flexibility there tends to be, though meaningful change is possible at almost any stage as long as you’re both deeply committed to the relationship.
If you are noticing distance, disconnection, or a recurring conflict that never quite resolves, don’t wait to hit your breaking point; get help.
